Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
