apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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