Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
