lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize