i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
