I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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