More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
