oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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