I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
