You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
