I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
