Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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