I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
