whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
