When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
