Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
