I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
