trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
