Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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