i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well you can't waste a boner
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
