Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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