Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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