I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
either way he was missing a nipple.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
