Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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