I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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