i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
