this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
