I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
