called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
