I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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