I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Four minutes until I can fart!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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