Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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