Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
