Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
