STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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