Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
