a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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