dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
