Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
