I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
