i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
