I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
