We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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