'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
