who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
