Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
