porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
