Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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