I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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