At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We left an ass print on the piano.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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