I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
