that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
