I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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