I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
