I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
