i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
