The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
