So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
