ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
