I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
