I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
