I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are the jesus of drinking
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
