guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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