so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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