so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
