Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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