I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
