What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
