Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
