There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
