so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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