I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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