he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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