go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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