you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
