i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
